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My friend and colleague Ankush Jain interviewed me about business relationships for his then Relationships series. It was quite a few years ago now. But I recently reviewed it and its as valid and relevant now as it ever was. You can listen to it via the player below.

We explored the following…

-How can you create deeper connections and healthy relationships at work with more ease and grace?
-What gets in the way of connection and rapport?
-How can you deal more effectively with ‘difficult people’ or unwanted behaviour so that it doesn’t get in the way of your own performance or you can still thrive at work?

-I hope you enjoy the conversation. It’s a relaxed pace and we covered alot of ground.
As always, feel free to post your comments below.

Ever feel like you just want to stay in bed? Does it take you a week to psyche yourself up for a run? Do you wish you could motivate yourself more easily?

Motivation is a multi million pound business. There are tons of books and podcasts telling you how to get motivated. But there are also many well-worn myths that, when you see through them, will take away all your excuses. So if you want to stay on the sofa, don’t read this!

Motivation Myth #1: We need rewards or incentives to be motivated

The idea that we need external factors such as incentives or rewards to motivate us is one of the most common motivation myths.

Take the example of sales teams who get offered incentives to boost their performance and make them go that extra mile. But if it really was the incentive or reward that was driving a person’s motivation and excellence, then all sales people would feel motivated and inspired to do their best work when given incentives, but that’s not what happens. You’ll find three distinct types of responses.

Some people will tell yout the incentive motivates them to excel, some will be indifferent to it and it will have no bearing on how they perform, and the third group will believe it’s actually de-motivating.

And it’s the same in any performance area where rewards and incentives are created. You’ll always find a range of different responses to the same set of external circumstances because our motivation comes from within and is generated by how we think about the situation at hand, which is why we can all respond very differently to the same set of external circumstances.

Motivation Myth #2: Motivation is at the mercy of external factors

We live in a world where we believe our motivation or happiness is at the mercy of outside factors. People will say that they’ve lost their motivation or their to-do list is ‘stressing them out’. But it’s not possible for a list to stress someone out. It’s words on a page or screen. It is only ever our thoughts about the list or workload that gives us feelings that we then describe as stressful. Thought is what creates our motivation and also what obscures it.

Let’s take someone in a very busy work environment who feels that they’re not coping well. The common belief is ‘If the workload reduces, I won’t feel so overwhelmed’ or ‘I’ll get my motivation back’. Well maybe that would happen but there are also people who have a smaller workload or an easier situation and are still getting overwhelmed. So what accounts for the difference?

The answer is simpler than we realise. Whilst we’re taught to believe that a change in workload will make us feel better, what really happens is that we have a change of thinking about the workload and this gives us a different feeling and increased perspective. And it’s this fresh perspective which helps us to manage our work and increase motivation. It’s also true that in some cases, the workload may be too much. In this situation, having perspective is the greatest way to motivate clearer thinking so you can handle anything more effectively.

Motivation Myth #3: Setbacks cause de-motivation and discouragement

We all experience setbacks, difficulties or disappointments from time to time. For many of us, it will seem as though the setback itself is the cause of how we are feeling. How often do you hear people justify their mood or feelings with ‘because this happened’ or ‘because they did this to me’.

But if it really were the situation that could make a person think and feel a particular way, why doesn’t everybody get down or disillusioned when they have similar setbacks? Instead, we find that some people thrive and rise to the challenge whilst others want to hide away in a cave for a week.

You can probably notice a theme emerging! Every day we are being shown the truth of how motivation works. For example, how is it that we can get just as activated about a trivial thing as we do about the big important things?

While if often seems like the situation is governing your state of mind, it’s actually your state of mind that is shaping how you experience the situation.

It’s helpful to remember that in any moment, you are always experiencing your own thinking coming to life inside of you in the form of a feeling or emotion and this gets projected out into the world, just like a projector illuminates the image on a screen.

It’s this inner world of thought and feeling that creates a particular state of mind creating the lens through which you perceive life. It’s these moment to moment perceptions that are really shaping what you do.

Motivation Myth #4: Some people are just not motivated

The truth is that human beings have a natural unlimited source of motivation within them. So you could say that we are born motivated. Motivation is the impetus, will and energy to take action, to perform certain behaviours, to move through life.

The question is, what is motivating you right now? What inspires you to make the best decisions and choices and do those things that really matter? As I explain in my book, motivation is self-regulated – it doesn’t come from external factors. We just think it does! For example, there might be days when you wake up in the morning and you feel invincible, you want to jump out of bed and grab life by the horns and yet on other days you’d be quite happy to stay in bed and do nothing all day.

If you ask people the reason for their motivation changing, they’d probably give you a whole bunch of reasons. They might say ‘oh it’s dark out’ or ‘I didn’t get a good night’s sleep’, but in reality it’s got nothing to do with the external factors of our lives. It can only come from one place, which is how the power of thought is playing out through our minds in any given moment.

We often think we need to feel a particular feeling before we can take action – for example ‘I need to feel motivated before I can go to the gym’, or ‘I’ve got to feel confident before I can make that phone call’. This is a classic thought trap.

If you ask experienced actors or comedians if they still feel nervous or anxious before going on stage, many will tell you they do. If they waited for their nerves to subside they’d probably never get on stage.

We can spend our whole lives waiting and believing that ‘I’m not ready’. Yet many of the most successful and inspiring people who make things happen in the world don’t let their feelings hold them back. They are not waiting for some perfect moment or some particular feeling.

My friend once told me that if she waited to feel motivated, she’d never go to the gym on a Saturday morning. She isn’t waiting to ‘feel motivated’ to get out of bed. She just makes a choice to go running and she does it. Her actions aren’t based on a temporary state of mind. They are based on her intentions to live a healthy and active lifestyle.

What are your intentions? What are you inspired and called to create?

Motivation Myth #6: It’s all about positive thinking

Being motivated and inspired is not about forcing ourselves to think more positively. You don’t need to trick yourself into being motivated. You just have to see what is getting in the way.

If we think that something other than thought in each moment can make us feel a particular way, then it’s going to give us plenty to think about and manage. Yet when you realise that how you think and feel is not governed by other people or situations, it will free your mind and motivation or inspiration will show up without any help.

It’s really helpful to realise that any state of mind is like the weather. It’s just a temporary experience of your own thoughts and feelings.

In summary – feeling motivated is instantly available to you when you recognise what gets in the way

The key to being getting sh*t done is to understand what gets in the way of that! And all that gets in the way is a simple yet widespread misunderstanding about where our motivation and all feelings are coming from in any given moment.

It’s how we think motivation works that determines our experience of it. And this is really good news because it means that it’s far easier to get motivated than we realise.

(If you like this and want more, try my bestselling book Instant Motivation – click here to get your copy).

In March 2017, I was interviewed by the lovely Judi Glover as part of an expert panel regarding Authentic Leadership.

We talked about some of the following;

• What authentic leadership really means
• The biggest misunderstanding in the personal development world 
• How we can bring the best version of ourselves to our lives and our relationships without complex strategies or ‘mind tricks’.
• Recognising the difference between fact and fiction and why that matters as leaders
• Why we don’t have to work on ourselves in order to experience clear thinking or get perspective on the things that matter to us
• The ONE thing that we need to know in order to truly get out of our own way

We all tend to have something we want to change in our lives.

For some it’s re-connecting with passions and hobbies, For others it’s spending more quality time with those people we care about or accomplishing a long held ambition.

The great news is that there is only ONE true barrier to pursuing our dreams or making the changes we need to make.

Here’s a question that I asked a group of 160 business leaders at a conference a few months ago;

If you knew (truly deeply knew) that you will always be safe and secure no matter what happens and regardless of any particular circumstances or situations, what would that mean for you as you go about your life?  How would knowing this (as a fact) make a difference for you in how you live your life?

Gratitude, compassion and clarity are not accomplishments. But you could easily think they are when you read books, blogs and articles or listen to podcasts.

For example, I often hear people say that compassion is a skill we have to learn and that gratitude is a feeling we have to practise and cultivate.
But the truth is that these feelings are natural human qualities that arise effortlessly when our minds are free and unburdened.

Surely it’s not that easy I hear you ask! Some people are impossible to work with right?  Some situations surely require the patience of a saint.

Towards the end of 2016,  I did a talk for 160 leaders for the Business Growth Summit conference. 

Here are some of things I reveal in this 45 minute talk below;

• Some key findings from my groundbreaking ‘state of mind’ research
• Why we are in the dark ages when it comes to understanding what drives leadership
• How all the essential qualities of great leadership are not skills and therefore do not need to be acquired or learnt  
• why being unhappy at work is like being afraid of bridges

I hope you enjoy it – let me know what you think.

“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” Aristotle

When it comes to preferences, we human beings have many.

We prefer people who are like this and not like that. We prefer particular types of weather, environments or work. And if I asked you to list all the foods you like and dislike, I’m sure you’d have a few things on those lists too.

When I was at school, I was regularly forced by the headmistress to eat rice pudding when it was given to us for desert. She would send me to the back of the hall and demand that I finish what by then, was a cold, congealed bowl of yuck while all the other kids were allowed to go out to play.

Now, as an adult, if I so much as smell that particular food, it makes me feel physically unwell. In fact I’ve been known to go pale just by looking at a rice pudding label. But how can I have that response when I’m not even eating it?

The power of thought is incredible – it’s creating our entire experience of life moment to moment –  all feelings, perceptions and physiological reactions. For example, if I asked you right now, to think of a food that you love, you might find saliva beginning to form in your mouth. And similarly when you think about a food you dislike, you may get some physical responses to that too. Just from the thought of it.

The absence of rice pudding doesn’t impact my life in any negative way, so I have no need to like it. But I know I could.  I understand that I have a ‘Pavlov’ style conditioned response to the smell that my brain learned many years ago, and it creates a strong response in my mind and body whenever I see or smell it.  But I’m pretty sure that if I was in a life or death situation where this was the only food available, I would eat it.

That’s what a change in thinking can do.

Here’s another ordinary example of how thought determines our likes and dislikes.

One day I was doing some accounting work in my office whilst also telling myself how much I dislike doing my accounts.  Thoughts such as ‘I have better things to do with my life’…’this is so frustrating’ ‘it’s so boring’…’i hate doing this’ bla bla. Two hours later I was getting into my car to travel to a client and I realised something about my earlier experience. At some point, I had forgotten about not liking accounting and got so absorbed in the moment that it became a totally different experience.

As I reflected on this, I realised how I’d spent years telling myself that I hated working with numbers and that I was terrible at it. I could even tell you a story about what a poor student of maths I was at school – told off frequently by an impatient teacher who had no interest in helping me. But that would just be my story, and it has no bearing on the here and now.

Here’s how it really works:

FACT: There is something we call ‘numbers’ or ‘accounts’.

It has no inherent meaning in and of itself.

FICTION: Our thoughts (ideas, stories) about numbers and accounts – and this is where all the meaning, feelings and responses come from – moment to moment.

You could swop ‘accounts’ for anything that might be more relevant to your life.

The truth is that when we are in the moment, not thinking about anything in particular and just present, there is no like or dislike. There is no resistance. There is simply being and doing.

The experience of accounting – or anything else for that matter –  is always an experience of our own thinking, moment to moment.  As soon as I realised this, my dislike of it dissolved because I suddenly saw it for what it was. And then I began to consider all the other likes and dislikes that I’d created and had continued to keep alive. I was shocked to discover how many preferences I had. They hadn’t looked like thought but instead had become part of my reality – some kind of truth – and because of that, I hadn’t stopped to re-consider them.

When we have preferences, this automatically creates certain boundaries and constraints. It sets up expectations and gaps – that would not otherwise exist, but for our thinking.

It’s incredible how innocently we limit our experience of life through the power of thought. But the very same power that creates these self-made limitations is also the same power that opens up new potential and possibilities.

So perhaps it’s worth re-considering all the preferences that you’ve acquired or created over the years. What are some of your own likes and dislikes in relation to work, people or personal pursuits?

While you might choose to keep some of them (they might be serving you in some way), maybe there are some that will dissolve as you become conscious of them.

Life is a moment to moment experience. Our preferences are made of thought. They’re based on the past and they have no reality or power of their own. As soon as we realise this, we get a fresh perspective and a new realm of possibility open us.

Last month, BBC Radio host Mike Parr invited me to take part in a show about gratitude and positivity. After reading my article published in Stylist Magazine (Ditch the gratitude app – Why positive thinking is out-dated), they wanted my alternative view.

You can hear the interview on the player below

… But first, here’s some context so it makes more sense when you listen.

At the point when I joined the conversation, the radio host had been discussing the benefits of using gratitude tools. He first interviewed Carla White, creator of the Gratitude Journal app and then invited a psychologist to share her opinions.

Carla’s app prescribes that you should ‘write down 5 things you’re grateful for each day’ and that it will ‘change your life forever’.  The idea is that by doing this daily ritual, you will ‘re-wire your brain’ and be conditioned to think more positively which means you’ll feel better, happier or more content. But there are some major flaws with this concept.

Being happy is not about conditioning ourselves to think in a particular way. Feeling grateful isn’t something you have to work at.  It’s something we naturally experience when our minds are free and unburdened. So all we really need, is to understand what gets in the way of a free, unburdened mind. And the one thing that gets in the way of feeling peace, contentment or happiness is the mistaken belief that our feelings can be coming from somewhere other than our own thinking  – for example from other people, phone apps or the weather
.
Happy apps and techniques also promote the idea that feeling positive is the ultimate goal. But feeling positive or happy in any given moment doesn’t mean we have clarity and perspective.  We can be happy and yet at the same time be deluded.   So, the key is to understand where our experience is coming from so that we can experience life with perspective and enjoy unconditional peace of mind.

To find out more, listen to the clip below and if you haven’t already, you can read my Stylist article here.

And of course, please post your comments, questions and feedback on the blog!

The search for happiness, fulfilment and success has never been more popular and to help us with our search we have books, blogs, seminars and plenty of new technology. With our busy lives and our desire to have instant satisfaction, phone apps that promise happiness at your fingertips, are becoming increasingly popular.

Many of these apps are intended to condition you to think more positively in order to feel better, more confident or more content about yourself or your life. But being truly content or happy is not about tricking ourselves into thinking more positively. What if this is an outdated approach? And what if there’s a simpler,  more natural way to experience a happy, fulfilling or successful life?

There’s a major misunderstanding that keeps us stuck. To discover what this is and why we don’t need to think positive thoughts in order to improve our lives,  scroll down and read my article ‘Ditch the gratitude app – Why positive thinking is outdated’ published in Stylist Magazine…..and you’ll discover why app-ness doesn’t equal happiness!

Scroll down and click on the Download link bottom left.

[embeddoc url=”https://www.chantalburns.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/Stylist-Article.pdf” download=”all”]

Now you’ve read the article, feel free to post your comments, questions and experiences below! I love to hear from you!

Part two coming soon..